he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
