I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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