hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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