using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
