He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
