Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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