Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
