she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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