Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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