What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
