In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
