xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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