Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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