My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's just like the Real World with babies
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
