It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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