I can tuck mytits in my pants
zippers are such a cool invention
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
