So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
