She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
