I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
