yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize