By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
