dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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