dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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