im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
