I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
only if we run a train.
done.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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