member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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