like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
