i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
