This is not my ceiling
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
