You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
