Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
