i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
