if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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