I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
