He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
