Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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