Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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