at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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