there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
