guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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