Kiss
Puke
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
