his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize