I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
