I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Randomize
