Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
