Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
