Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
