I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
