Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
