Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
