they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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