Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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