my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
