its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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