I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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