I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
