Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You left your phone here
Wait...
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