I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think your dad took our porno
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
