If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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