then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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