she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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