We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
