what day is it and did you see me today?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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