i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
